Updated: Jul 14, 2021
Dear companions on the path,
I am still in Greece and the vision that brought me here is still alive and striving to be realised. To find that place, that land....
It feels like the force behind this vision is pushing outwards from within, pushing against all kinds of doors to see which ones will open.
At the same time, the Mahavidyas, the great Wisdom Goddesses to whom the approaching Workshop-Series (Aug - Dec) is dedicated, are increasingly present in my awareness. Their guidance is now the necessary support for me to hold my inner alignment while remaining open and full of trust, recognising the lessons that lie at every step of the way.
Kamala Devi, the Goddess of Beauty and Abundance reminds me that joy, contentment and grace can be found in ALL situations, circumstances and things.
Not just when everything is moving just right according to my limited ideas.
What do I know about what is for the best and what is still waiting in store? Her sweetness, Her joy, Her ecstasy is not conditional, it is hidden in all manifestations of life! How could the Divine ever be partial?
Matangi, the Goddess of uninhibited creative expression, lets me use my voice, make connections, move out in all directions, express what I seek and need. She lets me emerge from the shyness behind which the ego hides, out of shame and fear of failure, judgement and injury.... "Am I even allowed to do this?"
The driving vision is so strong that suddenly this fear takes a subordinate role....
it's okay that it is there, we know each other well. And it too will find redemption.
Baglamukhi is the Shakti that brings energy to a halt, that makes us pause and collect ourselves. When is the time to act and when is the time to rest in stillness, when to speak and when to be silent? It is the silence that we return to, that we anchor ourselves in, the presence in the moment where everything is clear and everything is already there.
And good "old" Dhumavati, fierce Godddess of illusion, of defeats, of losses....
She makes her appearance on the days when I suddenly feel lonely, on the days when there seems to be no progress, when all efforts go nowhere, when the direction is missing and the path is no longer recognisable.... I am learning more and more to accept this fearsome goddess, to endure the uncertainty and not to push her away.... and to remain in the trust that She Herself will show me the way to the true Light, namely the Light within.
Some days I feel the Goddess Bhairavi, as an inner certainty that no matter what, it will be done somehow.... As if she is flowing through my energy system, streamlining all my actions towards that one goal! She teaches us how to consciously use the energy of our desire, our will-power and direct it towards the one goal. Not in an egoistic way, but in full surrender to and alignment with the Divine will...
And what is this one goal?
To find that plot of land that she makes me dream of so intensely? To manifest a place dedicated to the Goddess? Where we can practise yoga in the midst of nature, meditate, pray, chant, bathe in silent ecstasy and gratitude, in recollection of the Real, the Lasting, of our true nature.... in the presence of sun, moon and stars...sky and sea....forest and earth....? Creating an oasis and a safe space in the midst of a world that is moving more and more towards "artificiality and control"...?
With an inner smile I remind myself that all this that I am dreaming of so vividly already exists on some level....it may find its way into material existence.... or it may not.... and like everything manifest it will also inevitably dissolve back into nothingness!
So what is this one goal?
Unconditional love for life just as it is.... Acceptance and surrender.
Everything is you.
I am you, you are me.
Lover and Beloved are one.
The way to get there still seems long.
But it's becoming more and more clear
that this is the only way for me.
And I know that She will not let go of my hand, that She
won't leave me alone...
until I have fully returned home.